The movies have Citizen Kane, books A Tale of Two Cities, and television? Remington Steele, no doubt about it. The international thief turned faux-PI, how can you go wrong with that premise? Answer: You can't.
A classy, suave show like this needs a fitting drink, so it's time to break out that Pimm's again, although tea seems strangely appropriate too.
Drink every time Steele references a classic movie.
Drink every time an episode involves an eccentric millionaire and/or a street-tough thug.
Drink every time Laura Holt and Remington Steele do mix business and pleasure.
Drink every time Henry Mancini's original slow theme is played. Warning: This will leave you blitzed pretty early on.
Drink every time Henry Mancini's more pop-y theme is played. Same warning applies.
Drink when you've figured out there only are two musical cues in this show.
In episode 1.03, "Steele Waters Run Deep," take a drink every time there's a North by Northwest reference. Warning: This will leave you blitzed.
Drink every time Stephanie Zimbalist looks outraged over Pierce Brosnan having taken over the show's limelight. This happens more frequently in later seasons.
Drink every time Pierce Brosnan looks outraged over being contractually bound to the show, when he'd rather be the next James Bond.
There is one very good reason to get wings from Pizza Pipeline. With them, you get a large tub of Litehouse ranch dressing. Now, I'm usually not a fan of ranch, but if I was going to use it for a salad, I'd get it from Litehouse, and the tub you get with Pipeline's wings can go a long way as far as salads are concerned.
Sadly, that's about the only positive thing I can say about these wings.
To call them atrocious would be a compliment they don't deserve. The chicken is of a quality I wouldn't feed to a dog, and I'm pretty sure I shaved a year or two off my life eating it. Is it actually chicken? Lord knows, but there is meat somewhere under the layers of fat, and extensive DNA testing might reveal the animal it is, if you so feel inclined to do the research.
As for the sauce, I can only speculate that watered down ketchup is Pipeline's weapon of choice. It's hard to say, as the minimal amount they use really taste like very little, and is overpowered by the fatty flavors.
I would call these wings crap, but that is an insult to fine purveyors of crap. This is just awful. Horrible. No-one should have to eat these wings. So don't. You do have a choice, and this time I took a bullet for you.
St Patrick's Day is hitting us all over our faces on Thursday which, of course, means many will celebrate this weekend. Not sure why, but I won't get into a whole thing about the US missing out on having its own culture and yada yada yada...
Anyway! Guinness is many people's choice of ale this weekend, and good as it might be, this might be as good of time as any to remember some good local alternatives. Like...
Northern Lights Stellar Stout: Go grab some wings and try this nice light stout. At 5% ABV it's a session beer, so you can tie a few on without turning into the St Patrick's Day Douche. (There are plenty of those as it is.)
Laughing Dog The Dogfather: You probably will have a hard time finding this Imperial Stout on tap, but hey... What better way to celebrate than picking up a bottle and avoiding amateur hour. At 11% ABV it could make for a fun night.
Coeur d'Alene Brewing Co Vanilla Bourbon Stout: I assume you can still find this one at Steam Plant. CdA Brewing has its ups and downs, but this 8% ABV sweet stout is great for sipping.
Make this St Patrick's Day a non-lame St Patrick's Day.
Consider this the baseline for what I compare hot wings against in the area; the template of how great hot wings should be.
Because it likely doesn't get better than this. The wings are perfect consistency, with a nice bite to them. Crunchy, not soggy, and piping hot.
And in a town where heat index seems to fluctuate depending on who's in the kitchen that day, you always know what you'll get at Northern Lights. Three star is always comfortably spicy; five star is a giant kick in the teeth. Yet spicy as they may be, they always retain the flavor. Nicely deep, with plenty of spices, this is not just your standard Frank's hot sauce.
If you want a good mix, go for one of the milder wings and ask for the five star sauce on the side. It is perfect for dipping, and you can decide your own spiciness that way.
The only downside I can see is that they serve the wings with ranch dipping sauce as opposed to blue cheese, but that might just be a personal opinion. (A personal opinion that is right, that is.)
Flavor, consistency, bite, heat index... Northern Lights gets them all right. If you like wings you owe yourself a visit, as it doesn't get better than this.
