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The Two Seven

in The Great Burger Chase  · 

So here we are, the last stop on the path of the Great Burger Chase. It has been a ride, and we figured we'd go out on a high note, which… Well, we didn't. Or rather, we did (obviously), but the burger did not… And that surprised us.

We love all the Moon Times and Elks of the world. We had many—nigh countless, really—good experiences with them. I don't think anyone flat out hates the restaurants, or if they do, they seem to have some pretty subjective reasons.

This is a long roundabout way to get to the crux of the matter: the Two Seven's Moon Time burger. It is… not so good. I have vague memories of it being quite decent back in the day, but then, I have not tried it for a good long time. Maybe it's a case of having selective memories? Our grand jury, at least, shared a common opinion that this was not up to standard.

burger image

The main problem lies in the patty. One thing is that we were not asked how we wanted it cooked. It might have been our fault not specifying it, but my philosophy is to go with the house's recommendation in circumstances like that. Not surprisingly, it came out well-done. In their defense, I should point out that it wasn't a charred brick. It was well-done, the way well-done should be. That's just not something I and the Great Burger Chase jury are too into.

Worse still is its distinct lack of flavor. There were no traces of oomphs or seasonings. Pretty dull, in other words. Actually, strike pretty. It's dull.

The tomato, though, was good during our visit, at least. Very fresh. I don't mean that in a snarky way either, as I'm a big tomato fan.

Flavor wise the bun was OK, but it felt like it was getting close to stale. Not good.

So, where does it rank? It depends who you ask. Some jury members wanted it all the way at the bottom, but I kind of disagree. See, the Moon Burger's saving grace comes down to one thing: the caramelized onions. They are delicious, and it puts the burger above Post St's offering. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it.

And let it be known: The Two Seven is, burger aside, pretty awesome. I actually feel badly not liking the Moon Burger better. But, I feel what I feel, and I can not get past that.

The final tally:

  1. Manito Tap House
  2. Wisconsinburger
  3. Saranac
  4. Waddell’s
  5. Churchill’s
  6. Northern Quest EPIC
  7. The Two-Seven
  8. Post St Ale House

Photo courtesy of the Great Burger Chase’s official photography studio, Erick Doxey Photography. This photo is part of his coveted iPhone Series collection.

DORITOS® JACKED™ Ranch Dipped Hot Wings Flavored Tortilla Chips

in Should this exist?  · 

It's a great unknown what our fascination with Doritos and Taco Bell is. If I was to venture to guess, I'd notch it down to whole fascination with the bizarre, equivalent to how we enjoy The Twilight Zone.

Perverse speculations aside…

The DORITOS® JACKED™ Ranch Dipped Hot Wings Flavored Tortilla Chips might be the worst product name I can remember seeing, and I mean that quite literally. It is, if nothing else, the longest name I've seen. The idea, however, is at least somewhat commendable.

No longer do you need to cook up chickens, squeeze out ranch from a bottle, and dip the former in the latter. These Doritos have you covered. Some might say they're downright practical.

Well intentions aside, the flavor has little going for it. Shocking, right‽ The chips taste like Doritos, with dusty coatings of powdered Frank's and ranch. The kinda stuff you would find in the potential-nuclear-war-rations aisle.

I'm not necessarily saying you need to wear a tinfoil hat to enjoy these chips, but then, I kinda am.

And in that sense, DORITOS® JACKED™ Ranch Dipped Hot Wings Flavored Tortilla Chips probably should exist. They're not for me, and probably not for you, unless you're expecting North Korea to live up to its promises.

If they do, you and Frito Lay will have the deserved last laugh.